Here They Come...

Tears galore.

As if I couldn't possibly get anymore emotional...I did. Shocking, huh?

Yesterday was incredibly emotional. I am running on a few hours of sleep per day, so that doesn't really help much.

Baby blues didn't fully take effect on me until yesterday. And it hit me full blown. I've cried only a few times since Chase was born. Mostly because Chase was in the NICU and not with me.

My birth story tears:

I will write the birth story at some point, maybe tomorrow. It's just a lot to process right now and I am torn between being completely real or cutting a lot of my true feelings out of it. In fact, remembering the birth story was the majority of why I was crying a lot yesterday.

It's all begun to settle in. I feel disappointed in myself. I'm believing a lot of lies right now. Well, according to my husband.

My baby tears:

I was also crying because my little guy eats all of the time. I really am not exagerating. I knew that infants eat a lot and it's become such a reality to me now. I was crying mostly because if he is awake and in my arms he thinks he must eat. Sometimes I want to just hold him while he is wide eyed and awake and have him cuddle that way.

I am torn though because I love the way he looks up at me when he is eating. One thing he does though, is latch on and then look up at me... he doesn't really eat, only sucks as if I am a binky. I think it comforts him, but I'm wondering if this is a bad idea... I'm just confused and learning a lot right now. It's really overwhelming, but I do feel like I have a routine kicking in and I am adjusting.

I also need to remember that it's only been 12 days... wow.

I love his little grins and the way he looks up at me. I truly do. I am thankful for him, I really am! Please don't get me wrong. I'm just emotional and wondering what is normal and what isn't. I'm learning how to be a momma and how to best love my son.

My body tears:

Another thing I was crying about it my body. It feels like I've stepped into another person's body. I feel so awfully huge compared to my natural weight.My appetite just kicked in again since delivery, and I am hungry all of the time... well at least after most times breast feeding. I feel like I will never ever get my shape/figure back! I'm serious, how?

Also, my body aches pretty terrible sometimes, when I over work myself. Honestly though it's been less than two weeks and I am feeling great. I really thought I would recover incredibly slow and I am surprised each day with how much better I am feeling.

Chase is so helpless right now, it's incredible how much a little being needs me!

Ahhh, he is SO lovable though. And that helps this entire process a ton.

I'm thankful for time to blog today. Phew.... I guess I needed to.

Water Weight & Other Things.

My legs the day we left the hospital; 07/22

My legs with most of the water weight gone; 7/29

While in labor I put on massive water weight. I mean a lot. In my hands, feet, ankles, thighs, face, etc... It kinda of makes sense, because I was being pumped full of liquids for 40 hours plus while in recovery.

While in recovery they realized it really wasn't getting any better, so they gave me Lasix to help me get rid of some of the water weight. It made me feel nauseous and it also made me pee like none other. Did it help? No!

When Dr. Hill saw my legs he asked them to weigh me and I weighed 8 pounds MORE than I did when I came into the hospital pregnant with our almost 9 pound Chase!! I cried. That's the last thing I wanted... more weight.

Yesterday they weighed me in the office and I was nervous. I knew the my ankles were starting to show that I have bones, and that in the evening I sweat awfully while sleeping, so I did have an idea that it was coming off. When they weighed me yesterday I was thrilled to watch as the scale read the lowest I've seen in months! In fact, from when they had weighed me only 5 days before, I had lost 28 pounds!

It's actually kind of sick to think about. That's a TON of water weight, well and Chase's weight, placenta, etc.

I wasn't my ideal weight before getting prego, so I would still like to drop 30-35 pounds... but realistically I will set my goal for 20 lbs.

That's my babbling for today! Birth story coming soon. I'm still a little sensitive about it and it's hard to begin to write it out. Soon!

Life outside the Womb.

He falls asleep instantly when I hold him like this. It's a lifesaver, plus I love snuggling him.

Light hair like his daddy, at least for right now.

I adore him smiles, even if it is just gas.

He already has little rolls!

Property of me, haha. His little heels and toes are still sore from being pricked before every feeding since being born. (To check his glucose levels)

His going home outfit. It was 3 mo. but I couldn't resist putting it on him!

Here we go! I was incredibly thrilled.

Lil gangsta (JK, let's hope not)

Holding his binky in.

I can't even express how much I love this little guy.

Chilling.

So strong.

Feed me momma!

I will post more as they come and as I find time. My mom is spending next week with me because Ted has to go out of town for a week :( , Anyways, she is going to help me write our birth story. It's gonna be one loooong blog I'm afraid. I'm hoping writing it out with help me to process it better and also help me to really want to have more kids later WITHOUT fear. Cause right now I still want more kiddos, but I am afraid to be honest.

More later... oh wait...

Healing/recovery is going okay. I feel like I've stepped into another person's body. I've cried a lot, I won't lie. It's such a transition. My muscles are still recovering from labor and they are quite achy. My incision, I still haven't looked at because it freaks me out. It's such a mental thing for me, I need to get over that one. Ted says it shocks him how small it is and how it just looks like a wrinkle now. Interesting, but not enough to look at it. Also, please pray for me, because I've had the hardest time, em... going number 2. In fact I really haven't. Not enough to count for anything. I am going to research some natural ways to get things going... any tips?

I don't think I've had to ask for this much help in my entire life. I have to ask help for almost everything. The only thing I do not as help for, it getting up and down from chairs, bed, the car, etc. Because my nurses told me that I need to do it myself. Supposably I will heal faster if I just get myself moving. Ouch though. I've been loving the pain killers but am slowly weening myself off of them. They aren't helping the constipation plus I don't need to become addicted :)

Chase is gonna wake up soon to eat. Take care!

Our Journey: Chase Journey Davis

It wasn't what I had imagined/pictured, but it brought our beautiful son.

We decided if we had a boy, we would name him Chase Journey and as it turns out the name suits him quite well. It was quite the journey to bring him into the world. 42 hours of labor which ended with a cesarean. We are just so thankful that he is well and here with us! We are in awe!

Waiting to meet our baby. The longest wait.

July 18th @ 2:12 am

8lbs 15oz 21in

He had a rough start because of the long labor. He is so strong though!

My first time holding my little Chase.

My little sunshine is here! It's so surreal!

He has his daddy's eye shape, my nose and lips.

Holding onto mommy.

Ted is already blowing me away with how great of a father he is.

Daddy & Chase

He is so perfect, even in spite of his battle wounds :)

Oh, This Belly.

tv reflection 40w 6d

My back is continuing to ache pretty badly, but that's to be expected right now I would say. I've taken 3 walks today and have walked up and down our staircase 15 times. All of which I am feeling now. I'm about to take a nap because that helps me pass the day away, and it also let's me stretch out a bit for our baby's sake. He/she is pretty crammed, poor baby.

red wine to "induce labor" ick.

I reaaally don't like wine. Weird huh? So I've now had two glasses in a week. Trying to get things a moving. I really don't want a c-section, but nothing seems to work for me right now!

here's to hoping, right?

Ted's been amazing at massaging my feet lately. Obviously, there is an ulterior motive, but I'm not complaining either way. He wants to meet the baby just as bad as me. The evening primrose us supposed to soften my cervix, but not induce labor. I've been taking this as well. It's made my eczema clear up pretty quickly, that's for sure!

oh, this belly.

Notice my beautiful fingernails are gone. Another scar from the anxiety ;)

Can't you see my daughter wearing this?!

And my son, this?

48 Hours.

Our appointment this morning was encouraging. How? My blood pressure had gone back down, which meant they didn't need to schedule an emergency C section! So that is good news.

Everything still looks the same as it did yesterday morning, minus the high blood pressure. They did another ultrasound of the baby to measure the amnionic fluid and make sure the baby still had enough. The last two ultrasounds have been way different than our first 3. Meaning, our baby is so big inside right now, that we can barely see what is what inside. I mean, the doctor knows and tells us, but it's nothing like the profile shots we were seeing at 6 months. He/she is just so crammed, you can make anything out! I could only make out the head :)

We had just enough fluid inside to be able to keep the baby safe. We measured 10, whatever that means and the point at which they would do an emergency c section is 8. So that was also good news!

What's next? You guessed it... another appointment and this one is 48 hours away. Thursday morning at 8:50 AM (mst) we will be going in and Dr. Hill will check up on everything and most likely we will be talking about a scheduled c section. At this point, with where my body is at and where the baby is, they aren't talking about inducing me. They are hoping that I will go into labor naturally between now and Thursday morning. I can't imagine them letting me go through another weekend and into the 42 week because of the baby's size and how the fluid is beginning to run low.

What do I think of this? I will probably write another blog tomorrow because I will need something to preoccupy my mind, but as of right now I am seeking peace and what I want most is our baby to come safely. We just can't wait to meet him/her. This is so hard, this waiting game.

I really try to look on the bright side of things throughout the pregnancy with aches and ailments and such, because I really wanted to enjoy this process (and I have!) but I am really hurting! My body has just taken a toll and it is ready to have our baby. My stomach can stretch no further (I'm serious!!) and my lower back is aching pretty terribly today, which might be due to the fact that I've had to lie on my back for longer than is comfortable at appointments. And sleeping is hard to come by, probably due mostly to anxiety.

Anyways, here we are in the final stretch and I am finally letting pregnancy "get to me" and feeling a bit grumpy about everything going on. Please pray for me to keep a good attitude to the end! It's pretty hard right now!

Thanks for your prayers and love! Hopefully soon we will be "introducing" you to our baby!

The Simple Things.

I am looking forward to doing the simple little things again;

• picking things up off the floor on my own
• turning the car radio or air conditioner on from the passenger seat without asking for help
• typing on a keyboard without stretching my short little arms
• getting in and out of bed
• having a towel wrap around my body completely
• cooking without my belly touching hot items occasionally
• sitting down without feeling like I'm smashing something important on our baby
• scratching an itch on my leg :)
• wearing shirts without my underbelly hanging out
• getting in and out of our car
• hugging my hubby with our baby in my arms, not my belly

Today's Appointment

40w 4d

At 11:40 we had an appointment, where I was hoping to hear news of some kind of progress. Nothing. :/ It's still in the same position, high and posterior.

I was discouraged, but I kind of expected that nothing was happening. Our baby is really comfortable the way he/she is and I am beginning to think that he/she is going to stay that way until the end.

They then had us go out for lunch so I was well fed and ready to be monitored for an hour or so, and to come back. So we ate and hurried back. They began monitoring baby and me, and I was having random contractions, but nothing special. Our baby is "text book perfect"!!! A sigh of relief today.

Today the midwife had to see me because Dr. Hill was in meetings, so we had to wait all afternoon to hear what he had to say about my check up and what he wanted to do.

My blood pressure was high today, which might have been anxiety, but we're not sure. Tomorrow we have a 10:20 am MST appointment. If my blood pressure is still high and the baby has not shifted down then we will have to have a cesarean...

The past 5 days, since our thursday morning appointment, have been emotionally draining and challenging. I know that if I was overdue, but they still thought I would have the baby naturally, then I would be at peace. Because I know that the possibility of me having a c-section is very high right now, it's been a long weekend and today was the worst. Ted and I are just ready and done with this waiting game. We don't like hearing, "come back tomorrow and we'll decide what to do..." every time.

I am so anxious to meet our baby and having him/her in the safest way possible is my greatest desire.

I am thankful that I didn't have to have a c-section so suddenly that I wasn't prepared. What I mean is at least I have had the weekend to really think about this as a reality and prepare emotionally if this really is my reality.

Please pray for us, for tomorrow's appointment. Our Doctor is a christian man and please pray that God really guide him in what is best for our baby. Thank you for caring, praying and encouraging us!

We're SO excited to become parents, most likely this week, and to meet our baby. I personally can't wait to find out BOY OR GIRL and to call him/her by name!!!!

Advice please.

Hey Mommas,

I am looking for some practical and realistic advice and tips for how to lose the pregnancy weight. I can only imagine how shocking it must be after having our babies, yet still having the pregnancy weight. I know for a fact, that I am no longer a size 3/4 and I feel like I will never be my natural size again... *sigh* it's already kind of depressing...

Anyways, I've thought a lot about a "plan" and wondering how realistic it might actually be once I have our baby. So, let me know what you have done to rid yourself of the weight. Let me know how you got back to your natural size.

Since you are mothers, then you know what is realistic and what isn't. Having a detailed "I'm going to the gym every morning for 1 hour" plan is probably not realistic. Just a guess.

Thanks!

Last Minute Cravings.

Sprite 100 calories

Resees 160 calories

Raviolis 230 calories

McDonald's fries 500 calories

Pray for me because this was TODAYS cravings. Since 3 weeks ago, when I became the "last one due", anxiety hit full blown and I've gained 7/8 lbs since then!

Because I'm Still Waiting...

40 weeks 2 days (today).

40 week belly. Taking one of yourself, just doesn't do it justice. I'm huge!

Garage sale find: $1.50 play mat

Garage sale find: $2 Lamaze baby toys

Today's thrift store find: $12 changing table!

This one's for mom. All set up!

We rearranged. Our crib is no longer right next to the bed.

Thrift store find: $1.50 brown, green and white elephant pillow!

Matches our baby bedding! I laughed when I first saw it! I had to buy it!

Momma's go thrift/garage saleing! The only problem about going garage saleing while prego is when people see your belly, they try and get you to buy everything they have that is baby! I kept telling them "I don't know the sex." Which still didn't help!

To Be Honest...

I've calmed down a little bit since yesterday, although it is still pretty hard to keep my head on straight right now. To find peace the surpasses everything.

I've held back a lot in how I am really doing and feeling about this new situation. Honestly, due to fear of man and what people might think of me.

If you have kept up with our baby blog since day 1, then you know my greatest heart's desire is to have our baby safely. Whatever it may take. I wrote a note on facebook letting everyone know what was going on and not all of the responses and messages were encouraging. Causing me to be thankful that I didn't express more of the honest feelings going on inside of me. Which now I realize is pretty lame, because it is what I am feeling. What good does it do to deny them or keep them in?

I felt as though people judged me yesterday for asking for prayer for a natural delivery. That was hard for me, because obviously my heart is to have a safe delivery first. I hope you can all see that and I didn't come across as being selfish.

I was afraid to express my questions and fears, but today I am going to do just that. Because I need to.

So, to be honest...

When I first heard the news my stomach dropped and it took everything in me not to cry until we left the Doctor's office. I made it out the door and then came the tears.

I was thankful that our baby is doing amazing despite his/her super tight quarters, but was really hoping they would tell me everything was ready and we would be meeting our baby soon.

During our birthing classes they had us take double sided cards, one side would say something like epidural and the other would be the opposite, so in this case; natural, and they had us lay out our ideal birth plan. After that, they had us flip 3 cards over that we would be okay with changing. After that they had us flip 3 more cards, which really made my heart drop to think about. Our instructor told us to really think about the possibility that our birth plan "A" and even "B" could be tossed out the window due to circumstances. It was hard, but really good for us to think through. Yesterday I felt like we'd totally lost our birth plan and I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

I am left really trying to trust God in all things, which is already hard for me. I feel like I've been on this journey of learning to trust Him in everything my whole life and sometimes I feel like this journey gets harder and harder.

It's hard to understand. Why is it that sometimes our heart's desire doesn't come to fruition?

My heart's desire was to have an all natural home birth. We began with such a wonderful midwife who not only respected my birth plan but supported it as well. When we found on that I had Group B Strep (at 6 months), Ted really felt like we should transfer and do a hospital birth. I trust Ted so much, that he hears God and knows what is best for his family, and I am now seeing this was the best decision for this pregnancy.

My heart's desire was to have a baby and it took a while, but here we have a beautiful baby growing inside. I do remember this and I am grateful.

One of the big disappointments of yesterday was walking away from another appointment, knowing I have an appointment scheduled for Monday July 13, which meant... we probably wouldn't meet our baby for at least another 4 days. That is hard! We are ready and waiting and anxious! 4 days seems like eternity right now and I can't even tell you how serious I am being right now.

My fears/concerns about having a cesarean:

• I want to be a mommy to many. I still don't know how many but I want at least 4 kiddos.
• I am afraid if my 1st is a c-section, my second will need to be as well.
• Getting an epidural/spinal is my only option if I want to be awake for our baby's first cry and the moment where they tell me "it's a boy/girl...". The good news about getting an epidural for a cesarean is that the epidural/spinal does NOT effect the baby at all! He/she comes out quickly after I get medicine.
• General anesthesia wouldn't affect the baby, but it would put me under and I would miss our baby's first cry and a friend told me, up to an hour of his/her life! Also, coming out of that would be a nightmare.
• The healing process of having a cesarean. It's longer.

Right now, I'm at work and someone at the desk beside me is listening to a tutorial video out loud and someone at the desk beside me is listening to kelly clarkson (in headphones but loud enough to hear). My mind is kind of overexposed, haha, so this will be it for today's blog.

Monday during worship, someone shared the verse below, saying it was a verse to meditate on for the week. During today's worship, they put this verse up again and it meant something more to me. I am going to try and trust God and whatever his will might be for our baby's delivery; cesarean or natural. We shall see soon!

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."

1 John 5:14-15

Due Date: Baby Update

Okay so...

We had another appointment this morning and our baby is still backed out of my pelvis but is head down, just not engaged. My cervix has been posterior and still is, which basically means it's really high. With the baby's help, it needs to be pushed farther down before we can begin labor.

Our doctor told us today, that if we were to go into labor right now, we would most likely need a cesarean. He told us we need to wait this weekend out and hope that the baby moves back down and begins his/her descent to help everything get ready, eh down there.

I have two options if I have a cesarean, both of which I do not like! One is general anethesia, which would put me under and I wouldn't be awake to witness our baby's birth and the moment where they say "its a...". That would be such a hard thing. The 2nd option is an epidural which I really do not want, but I would be able to be awake for the delivery, just unable to hold our baby until everything was finished.

My reason for not wanting an epidural in the first place does not apply during this c-section. Our baby wouldn't be affected by the epidural in anyway, because the procedure is speedy for delivering him/her. Just mommy would be affected and that is okay with me.

Please pray with us that our baby moves down this weekend and everything begins naturally! It's my heart's desire to have an all natural labor and delivery and to have that precious moment when they place the baby on me.

We are hoping and praying for the best! Obviously our greatest desire is our baby's safety and we will do whatever it takes for that. Please join with us and pray!

*side note edit 4:31pm: I am having a really hard time and I'm actually really struggling with understanding why all of this is happening. I might write a blog tomorrow telling how I am honestly feeling, because right now due to tears, I'm afraid I wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

Prayer Request.

Our Doctor is asking us to come tomorrow to see if things are progressing and to talk about what is next if nothing is happening.

Please, please pray that our baby decides to come on his/her own! Ted and I never really expected to be talking about induction and it's just hard that the baby has pushed itself back out of where he/she needs to be.

Since our baby is measuring "8lbs" which they said at least expect 7 1/2 lbs, I would like to have him/her soon so the baby doesn't get any bigger. They aren't worried right now about my height and frame being able to deliver naturally, but if the baby gets any bigger, than maybe.

Please pray for us to make the right decision! We are really seeking God in this and we are hoping for the baby to naturally on his/her own, to come today, tonight or before tomorrow's 10:20 appointment.

Thank you!

"Fairly Quickly"

Today was our 40 week check up and I left kind of confused but encouraged.

When our Doctor did the check up, he told me the reason I hadn't gone into labor yet was because our baby decided to move back OUT of my pelvis! Which meant all of those "launches" I have been feeling, was actually the baby backing out of where he/she needed to be. I was bummed to hear that and the fact that I still wasn't dilated. I mean, can you believe that?!

I almost cried when he told me that, but then he said we were going to check the baby's measurements to see if we were measuring right on, or early or late. That cheered me up, because I knew it meant we would get to SEE our baby for the first time since I was 24 weeks.

He measured the baby and me and we're measuring right on. In fact, baby is measuring in at 8 lbs! I was shocked when I heard this! 8 lbs? I was only 6 lbs, but Ted was 9 lbs! If that makes any difference. Probably not.

He told me once our baby engages in the pelvis again, then we should go into labor and quickly. He left us saying "I expect you to go into labor fairly quickly here" which I totally couldn't help but to take to heart... even without the dilation and the baby being head down but not low enough.

I asked Ted if I was holding on too tightly to what Dr. Hill told us, and he said no because he was too :) Hopefully soon I'll be introducing you to our little chubby baby!

277 Days!

My cousin Lori showed me this website for a book she recommended called 'The First 8 Days'. I saw this picture of an array of words and thought, oh my word that is my mind right now! I mean I would have probably added about 1,000 more words.

Tomorrow is our doctor's appointment. I am nervous to hear that nothing is happening, but I realized today during worship, I need to relax and just let it happen when it happens.

It's all in baby and God's timing and I'm really trying to remember that! :)

I am now 39 weeks and 4 days and have been pregnant for 277 days!