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Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 22

A Rant (which I'm afraid I'll later regret).

HUGE EDIT TO MY POST THIS MORNING. I DELETED A LOT BECAUSE I WAS JUST VENTING AND IT REALLY WASN'T FOR THE BEST.

Recently, someone basically told me that if I had stuck it out and stayed with our midwife, she could have helped me deliver Chase naturally... to me that was such a stab. I feel so hurt. I began to doubt myself and it added to the pain I already feel with my birth story not turning out the way I had dreamed. I think out of everything I've been told, that has hurt the worst.

I feel like I am at my boiling point with all of this adding up and the fact that I am not dealing with it. I always do this. Wait until things are boiling over to say anything and by then it's either too late or I just explode.

I really and truly believe that every women is different in how they parent, lose weight, their birth stories, desire for future kids (or not), etc. I also don't believe in ONE way of parenting... I think every child is different and has different needs or disciplines or whatever!

I will say this, I am thankful... so so so so thankful for my friendships with mom's here and far away as well. I seriously have a lot more to be thankful for. I should have done a thankful "rant" instead. I don't know why, but doesn't it seem like the negative things stand out more? When I was pregnant, I could have 3 or more people tell me I looked so cute pregnant and 1-2 people say "you are so much bigger than so and so" and only remember or dwell on the 1-2 people's comments. Why is that??!

Saturday, September 5

Milestones.


Having fun with photo booth, haha.


sweet boy. 1m 2w 4d

His eyes keep turning more blue than dark or gray.
Loving it whatever way they are.


Milestones as of the past 3 weeks:
  • sleeping and eating better. Nights aren't too bad!
  • a lot more aware of familiar faces, voices and toys.
  • gets excited at the above. Today in walmart he was even at the verge of giggling while playing 'peek-a-boo'. (can't wait for the official bout of giggles).
  • found his fist which he loves sucking.
  • found momma's hair
  • found his ears. I captured that moment on video and photo! Soon to post.
  • more excitement shown for bathtimes, 'mr.moose', momma & daddy's faces/voices, swing, etc.
  • holds his head up a lot better and tummy times he enjoys a bit more.
  • cuuuudly!! (with me, mostly... we are working on him being cuddly with daddy)
  • 12 lbs 15 oz!!! (our friends here own a scale). He is evening out though and doesn't look that big honestly.
It's crazy how fast time flies. He is already 6 1/2 weeks. Whoa. I feel like there is more but it's 11:13 here in MO where we're visiting. I'm wiped.

*still writing our birth story. It's a long process, but (finally) a good one.*

speaking of birth stories... please pray for my friend Ashton! She is anxiously awaiting her little man and needs our prayers!

Wednesday, August 26

Prayer Request.


My incision opened up again. This time in an entirely different spot and thankfully, smaller. By the way, when I saw "opened up" it's not a gaping wound, it's small but opened non the less. Have you ever had dry socket or an opened wound? You know that feeling when air hits it? That's the best way to describe the pain. It should heal on it's own (with cleaning). I don't understand that, but here's to hoping!

Or your prayers would be nice.

I've barely done anything to cause this tearing. However, we do own the basement of our house, which means I climb stairs when I want to use the kitchen or leave. So I use them a lot. I've only used the stroller for a few walks and when we would go shopping but that is it walking wise, because that does still hurt to do.

Anyways, my healing time is going to be a bit longer than I thought. I won't be doing crunches any time soon ;) I have another doctors appointment tomorrow to check it out.

Another prayer request is for me as I finish writing the birth story. I've been kind of apathetic and not wanting to deal with my emotions, how I am feeling about everything that happened and what I am going through. See, I have been in the process of writing it since week 2 of Chase's life. I've written the facts and the timeline of the labor and I'm now adding my emotions with it all. It's hard to find the words to describe what I was going through during that time.


This is written on the front of my journal. It perfect.





"Once you get over the fear, then it's a cinch," she said. And then she leaped into a mountainous and unexplored region of her heart. It is here where she must begin to tell her story.



You may not understand what I am talking about right now. Why is this such a big deal? I can't explain it but it's almost as though I am mourning a dream I had. I am also working through some of the questions and struggles I have with God regarding this.


Some of you have voiced your curiosity of the birth story and I will be posting it as soon as it is finished. It's mostly for me to process what we went through, but I do want to share with you. I want to keep you apart of this journey, especially if you've watched it from day one.

Sunday, August 2

Two Weeks Old.

It's hard to believe that Chase is already two weeks old. He is getting so big too. Ted will be shocked at how much his little man has grown in one week. At his appointment Friday after we came home from the hospital he weighed 9 lbs 1 oz, which meant he didn't lose any of his birth weight and I am anxious to see what he weighs at tomorrow's check up.

Just a quick update on a few things while I have time...

Chase:

Pray for him because tomorrow he is not only getting his blood drawn but also a circumcision :/ Poor boy! They didn't want to circumcise him in the hospital because it would probably cause his blood sugar levels to drop back down due to stress and they had just gotten them up to a healthy number.

He basically eats, sleeps, poops... but when he is awake, he is so alert! I love it and can't wait for his little personality to begin to show.

Breast feeding:

I was just thinking today about how smoothly this has gone for Chase and I both. Considering the fact that from birth he was given formula and a binky immediately (both of which I didn't want him to have, but didn't have a choice), he does awesome. He learned right away how to latch on! At first he was pretty impatient because he was used to being bottle fed and the immediate flow of food, but now he is a little pro. He eats all of the time, but he is a growing boy. I am never out of milk, I'm always filled and in need of the pump or him!

We had a lactation appointment at the hospital on Monday which went really well. They weighed Chase before feeding and after to see how much milk he was getting. Usually infants eat 1 1/2- 2 oz and Chase ate 3 oz and was hungry an hour later! So I'm not too worried about his weight gain ;)

Nights:

Chase is really great at night time. I've heard horror stories so I really can't complain. He eats around 9/10 pm and then again around 2 or 3, then around 5 or 6 am. Not bad. Plus I've enjoyed getting a really early start to my day and Chase loves to cuddle after the morning feeding.... I love it.

My healing:

It's only been 15 days since he was born, and I constantly have to remind myself of that. My muscles are finally beginning to not ache as much everywhere. I know it sounds crazy, but I really do think the muscle aches were from the laboring even though they lasted a while! I usually feel like I've done a crazy workout and my muscles are feeling it, and we all know that didn't happen :)


My incision, well I finally looked at it... It does look like a wrinkle and it's a lot smaller than I imagined. I recently began to get scar tissue build up on the left end. It's a lump under my skin a little bigger than a quarter. It freaks me out, but our Doctor told me it's scar tissue so that helped my mind calm down a bit.

My stomach muscles are coming back. Weird... I really can't even explain the feeling. It's getting tight, I mean I still have what I am calling a "jelly belly" but I can feel my muscles, especially around my incision.

I am getting in and out of bed, chairs, the car, etc... a lot better now. I can bend and pick most things up on my own now too. I really believe which each new day I feel better and better.

I still have a long ways to go, but I am beginning to feel hopeful that I can get back to feeling great and like my old self again.

Chase is super precious and making this all worth while. I hope someday you all get a chance to meet our sweet boy!

Thursday, July 30

Here They Come...

Tears galore.
As if I couldn't possibly get anymore emotional...I did. Shocking, huh?


Yesterday was incredibly emotional. I am running on a few hours of sleep per day, so that doesn't really help much.

Baby blues didn't fully take effect on me until yesterday. And it hit me full blown. I've cried only a few times since Chase was born. Mostly because Chase was in the NICU and not with me.

My birth story tears:

I will write the birth story at some point, maybe tomorrow. It's just a lot to process right now and I am torn between being completely real or cutting a lot of my true feelings out of it. In fact, remembering the birth story was the majority of why I was crying a lot yesterday.

It's all begun to settle in. I feel disappointed in myself. I'm believing a lot of lies right now. Well, according to my husband.

My baby tears:

I was also crying because my little guy eats all of the time. I really am not exagerating. I knew that infants eat a lot and it's become such a reality to me now. I was crying mostly because if he is awake and in my arms he thinks he must eat. Sometimes I want to just hold him while he is wide eyed and awake and have him cuddle that way.

I am torn though because I love the way he looks up at me when he is eating. One thing he does though, is latch on and then look up at me... he doesn't really eat, only sucks as if I am a binky. I think it comforts him, but I'm wondering if this is a bad idea... I'm just confused and learning a lot right now. It's really overwhelming, but I do feel like I have a routine kicking in and I am adjusting.

I also need to remember that it's only been 12 days... wow.

I love his little grins and the way he looks up at me. I truly do. I am thankful for him, I really am! Please don't get me wrong. I'm just emotional and wondering what is normal and what isn't. I'm learning how to be a momma and how to best love my son.

My body tears:

Another thing I was crying about it my body. It feels like I've stepped into another person's body. I feel so awfully huge compared to my natural weight.My appetite just kicked in again since delivery, and I am hungry all of the time... well at least after most times breast feeding. I feel like I will never ever get my shape/figure back! I'm serious, how?

Also, my body aches pretty terrible sometimes, when I over work myself. Honestly though it's been less than two weeks and I am feeling great. I really thought I would recover incredibly slow and I am surprised each day with how much better I am feeling.

Chase is so helpless right now, it's incredible how much a little being needs me!
Ahhh, he is SO lovable though. And that helps this entire process a ton.



I'm thankful for time to blog today. Phew.... I guess I needed to.


Wednesday, July 29

Water Weight & Other Things.


My legs the day we left the hospital; 07/22



My legs with most of the water weight gone; 7/29


While in labor I put on massive water weight. I mean a lot. In my hands, feet, ankles, thighs, face, etc... It kinda of makes sense, because I was being pumped full of liquids for 40 hours plus while in recovery.

While in recovery they realized it really wasn't getting any better, so they gave me Lasix to help me get rid of some of the water weight. It made me feel nauseous and it also made me pee like none other. Did it help? No!

When Dr. Hill saw my legs he asked them to weigh me and I weighed 8 pounds MORE than I did when I came into the hospital pregnant with our almost 9 pound Chase!! I cried. That's the last thing I wanted... more weight.

Yesterday they weighed me in the office and I was nervous. I knew the my ankles were starting to show that I have bones, and that in the evening I sweat awfully while sleeping, so I did have an idea that it was coming off. When they weighed me yesterday I was thrilled to watch as the scale read the lowest I've seen in months! In fact, from when they had weighed me only 5 days before, I had lost 28 pounds!

It's actually kind of sick to think about. That's a TON of water weight, well and Chase's weight, placenta, etc.

I wasn't my ideal weight before getting prego, so I would still like to drop 30-35 pounds... but realistically I will set my goal for 20 lbs.

That's my babbling for today! Birth story coming soon. I'm still a little sensitive about it and it's hard to begin to write it out. Soon!

Sunday, July 19

Our Journey: Chase Journey Davis


It wasn't what I had imagined/pictured, but it brought our beautiful son.
We decided if we had a boy, we would name him Chase Journey and as it turns out the name suits him quite well. It was quite the journey to bring him into the world. 42 hours of labor which ended with a cesarean. We are just so thankful that he is well and here with us! We are in awe!



Waiting to meet our baby. The longest wait.


July 18th @ 2:12 am
8lbs 15oz 21in


He had a rough start because of the long labor. He is so strong though!



My first time holding my little Chase.



My little sunshine is here! It's so surreal!



He has his daddy's eye shape, my nose and lips.



Holding onto mommy.



Ted is already blowing me away with how great of a father he is.



Daddy & Chase



He is so perfect, even in spite of his battle wounds :)




Monday, March 30

Week 26: Finding Perfect Peace.


Baby: The network of nerves in baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He or she can now hear both Ted and I's voice as we chat with each other and when we sing to it at night. Baby is inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his or her lungs. (These breathing movements are also good practice for when baby is born and takes that first gulp of air.) And I can tell that baby is continuing to put on baby fat. He or she now weighs about 2 pounds and measures 14 inches! Quite the mover still. I awake to him or her kicking up a storm, usually around 4 am, consistantly! I think it's God preparing me for the night wake up calls for feeding! I don't mind it though =)

Momma:This past week has been the most stressful week yet. I've given into fear, and being stressed out more than a pregnant woman should. But I am seeking His perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3) in all of the newest changes. This morning we had a checkup at the clinic and this was the first time I had to go without Ted, which was hard. I haven't had the best experience in the clinic, and today was yet again, a disappointment. It's hard to have a birth plan and place totally altered. I used to just get through the appointments knowing that I wasn't going to be them throughout this entire, incredible process. Now... this is my reality. I am going to be going through this clinic, and having one of their 6 midwifes deliver my baby. I will say I have been treated nicely by 4 out of the 6 midwifes (so let's pray I get one of them). There are two that I really like, and I am praying one of them will deliver our baby.

Anyways, if you think about it, please pray for us. This has been a really rough week and I am seeking peace, but I honestly am not quite there. Ted is feeling total peace about having the baby at the hospital. I am NOT against hospitals I promise, it's just that I had a birth plan and it's gone... maybe that's a bit dramatic.

Alright, well photos to come. I have now gained 20 pounds, which freaked me out a bit, cause I'm only 6 months 1/2, but thanks to advice (thanks Hannah), and the fact that we are down the mountain, and living in a safe neighborhood to walk in... I'm hoping to only gain 10 more pounds at the most.

Please know too... my greatest heart's desire is to see our baby born safe!! Although I keep talking about our altered birth plan, this truly is my hearts desire.

On a much lighter note... I've started to get "charlie horses" like none other. I've never really dealt with these before, I sneeze and my legs cramp up SO bad. One night I freaked out, I was in so much pain, that I woke Ted. Poor guy! Thought I'd share cause it's kinda funny!

Thank you for caring and for praying for us!
Love,
Jami & our little sunshine =)
(Photo above: i found a bib and onesie that had "daddy's little sunshine" on them, and I will purchase them someday soon)

Thursday, March 26

Prayer Request: A Change of Plans.

Yesterday morning Ted and I found out that I am Group B Strep positive. I took a test for a bladder infection and they found not only a bladder infection but that I was GBS+. Clinics usually do a screening between the 35th and 37th week of pregnancy, but because of the bladder infection test, they found this out a lot sooner for me. I am so grateful.

What is GBS?

Group B streptococcus is a type of bacterial infection that can be found in a pregnant woman’s vagina or rectum. This bacteria is normally found in the vagina and/or lower intestine of 15% to 40% of all healthy, adult women.

Those women who test positive for GBS are said to be colonized. A mother can pass GBS to her baby during delivery. GBS is responsible for affecting about 1 in every 2,000 babies in the United States. Not every baby who is born to a mother who tests positive for GBS will become ill.

Although GBS is rare in pregnant women, the outcome can be severe, and therefore physicians include testing as a routine part of prenatal care.

How does someone get group B strep?

The bacteria that causes group B strep normally lives in the intestine, vagina, or rectal areas. Group B strep colonization is not a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Approximately 15-40% of all healthy women carry group B strep bacteria. For most women there are no symptoms of carrying the GBS bacteria.


Now that I have tested positive for Group B Strep infection...


If you test positive for GBS this simply means that you are a carrier. Not every baby who is born to a mother who tests positive for GBS will become ill. Approximately one of every 100 to 200 babies whose mothers carry GBS will develop signs and symptoms of GBS disease. There are, however, symptoms that may indicate that you are at a higher risk of delivering a baby with GBS. These symptoms include:

Labor or rupture of membrane before 37 weeks
Rupture of membrane 18 hours or more before delivery
Fever during labor
A urinary tract infection as a result of GBS during your pregnancy
A previous baby with GBS disease
In this case your physician will want to use antibiotics for prevention and protection.

According to the CDC, if you have tested positive and are not in the high risk category, then your chances of delivering a baby with GBS are:

1 in 200 if antibiotics are not given
1 in 4000 if antibiotics are given

How can I protect my baby from Group B Strep infection?

If you test positive for GBS and meet the high risk criteria, then your physician will recommend giving you antibiotics through IV during your delivery to prevent your baby from becoming ill. Taking antibiotics greatly decreases the chances of your baby becoming ill.

For women who are group B strep carriers, antibiotics before labor starts are not a good way to get rid of group B strep bacteria. Since they naturally live in the gastrointestinal tract (guts), the bacteria can come back after antibiotics. A woman may test positive at certain times and not at others. That’s why it is important for all pregnant women to be tested for group B strep between 35 to 37 weeks of every pregnancy.

How does Group B Strep infection affect a newborn baby?

Babies may experience early or late-onset of GBS.

The signs and symptoms of early onset GBS include:

Signs and symptoms occurring within hours of delivery
Breathing problems, heart and blood pressure instability
Gastrointestinal and kidney problems
Sepsis, pneumonia and meningitis are the most common complications
Newborns with early-onset are treated the same as the mothers, which is through intravenous antibiotics.

The signs and symptoms of late-onset GBS include:

Signs and symptoms occurring within a week or a few months of delivery
Meningitis is the most common symptom
Late-onset GBS is not as common as early-onset
Late-onset of GBS could be a result of delivery, or the baby may have contracted it by coming into contact with someone who has GBS.

The information from above is taken from the link at the bottom of this blog.


Jami speaking now:

Of course I hoped for a healthy pregnancy, and this doesn't mean I still can't have that. I was a mess yesterday, I ended up making myself sick and I even got my second migraine (of my life) from the stress and the crying. I slept the afternoon away, trying to calm myself down for the baby's sake. I am asking for your prayers, because I am very up and down about this. I am afraid, I won't lie. I think the hardest part for me is feeling to helpless in this. I have 15 weeks until our baby will come and until then it's just waiting this out, once labor hits I will get an IV with antibiotics every 4 hours during delivery, in order to protect the baby from GBS. So that hard part is the waiting for the day of delivery, and waiting to see if my baby will have GBS or not. Please pray for our baby's safety!

Our plans for a home birth, as of right now, are put on hold. We've been advised to have the baby at the hospital, so I can be hooked to an IV with antibiotics, and just in case the baby is born with GBS they can take fast action. As you all know, my heart's desire was to have a home birth, but my greatest heart's desire is to have our baby safe and healthy.

If you know of anyone who has had this or if you have had this while pregnant, please talk to me! I want to hear a bit more about this, and just how serious or not serious this could be.

Thanks for listening & thank you for praying for our baby!
Love,
Jami

Tuesday, February 3

Why a Home Birth?

Many ask me, why did you choose to do a home birth instead of a hospital birth? Well, today I will answer and hopefully thoroughly. (With my mind these days, that is a lot harder than it may sound).

*Now for a disclaimer, let me say this. Many women I know and love, choose hospital births. This is not a blog about bashing hospital births and medicines and all that jazz! This is what I have chosen personally! I know a ton of women who have had incredibly midwifes in hospitals, and have super healthy kiddos now. This is nothing against you, if you are or have done this! Seriously, I hope you all see my heart is what I'm about to share! *

A little bit of history... when I was around 12 or 13 I attended a home birth for my mom's dear friend. As much as I was shocked to actually see a birth, I remember really enjoying the calm atmosphere, and the fact that they wanted to bring this baby into their own home and most importantly, a home embellished with God. Until I was married (which ironically I swore I would never marry), I didn't think about this again.

When we found out we were pregnant after months of trying and trusting God, I immediately wanted to do a home birth, but knew it would be hard to share that with Ted, and with my extended family. I knew they would be hesitant, but only because they wanted a safe enviroment for the baby and I. I shared my heart for wanting a home birth, and Ted was worried.

We ended up deciding to head to the doctors, and went ahead and planned on having a hospital birth. I won't lie, I was bummed but I understood Ted's hesitation was out of love for me, and the fear of the unknown. Well, our first appointment bombed. We were treated terribly (and I'm not exaggerating). The lady that checked the baby and I out, was very impersonal and actually quite rude. We left the clinic that morning feeling discouraged, and we both didn't feel peace, but Ted still wasn't ready to commit to a home birth understandably.

The weeks in between our first appointment and our 10 week check up, we frequently discussed a home birth. I also spoke with other mothers, (which there are 2 at our base), who have done home births. I asked them a lot about it, and with their encouragement- Ted met with one of the fathers to see what he originally felt about them, and what the process involves. We were still very undecided by the time we went to our 10 week checkup.

We saw the baby for the first time. For Ted, this made the entire pregnancy more real. The weeks of sickness made it real enough for me. We were treated a lot better this time, and still both walked away feeling no peace. So we then prayed, and decided to pursue a home birth.

I have many reasons for doing a home birth, but here are my most important, and heartfelt reasons for why I chose a home birth.
- First, I want to set the tone and atmosphere. I want to bring our baby into this world in an atmosphere of praise and adoration to God. I want to be able to spend however long labor is, in prayer and worship. I want our baby to come into the prescence of God first and foremost.
- I want to be with my baby immediately after labor. I want to hold him/her, despite how exhausted I am. I don't want someone to wisk my baby away. I want the first precious moments.
- I want to give birth naturally. I am a weakling, I know this more than anyone, and I want to remain focused the entire process of delivery.
- I want to be with my loved ones, while going through labor. I want my friends and family to be the first ones who welcome our baby into the world.

Can you do this at a hospital? I am sure you can and go for it!! A home birth is what we feel peace in pursuing.

I met our midwife yesterday, fell in love, and had total peace.( She believes in God, and will let me set the tone for the day) Oh, and Ted liked her too. In fact when she asked, "Do you guys need more time to think about this.." I was surprised and overjoyed to hear Ted answer first, saying we are set on doing a home birth and having her deliver our baby!!

We have totally peace, and I personally can't even share with you how excited, thrilled, anxious... I am for the next months to pass and to meet our little one! Hope this made sense! :)

Love,
Jami & the kickin' baby E