HUGE EDIT TO MY POST THIS MORNING. I DELETED A LOT BECAUSE I WAS JUST VENTING AND IT REALLY WASN'T FOR THE BEST.
Recently, someone basically told me that if I had stuck it out and stayed with our midwife, she could have helped me deliver Chase naturally... to me that was such a stab. I feel so hurt. I began to doubt myself and it added to the pain I already feel with my birth story not turning out the way I had dreamed. I think out of everything I've been told, that has hurt the worst.
I feel like I am at my boiling point with all of this adding up and the fact that I am not dealing with it. I always do this. Wait until things are boiling over to say anything and by then it's either too late or I just explode.
I really and truly believe that every women is different in how they parent, lose weight, their birth stories, desire for future kids (or not), etc. I also don't believe in ONE way of parenting... I think every child is different and has different needs or disciplines or whatever!
I will say this, I am thankful... so so so so thankful for my friendships with mom's here and far away as well. I seriously have a lot more to be thankful for. I should have done a thankful "rant" instead. I don't know why, but doesn't it seem like the negative things stand out more? When I was pregnant, I could have 3 or more people tell me I looked so cute pregnant and 1-2 people say "you are so much bigger than so and so" and only remember or dwell on the 1-2 people's comments. Why is that??!
2 comments:
jami-i'm going to email you.
love ya!
Danielle
I just want you to know that I love you. I think you look beautiful. I know that it is not where you want to be but you look beautiful. I think it is harder to live outside the mold than in it. I have spent most of my life outside the mold, and it is hard. It is hard because sometimes there isn't a clear example to follow. You are making your own path. On the amazing side- it is where God has you and it WILL be amazing. On the hard side- people won't understand, and there isn't a map to follow. I am so proud of you. Your son is gorgeous, and every time I see him I marvel at his tiny-ness... :)
I would gently suggest praying about confronting the women in your life when they make comments that are hurtful. I am sure they are not meant to hurt, but the only way that they will know that it hurts is if you tell them. It is hard to do, I know...
I will be praying for you, and for healing and for strength and for courage...
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